Form without substance

I've been doing the Sun style form since my first lesson with my current teacher. After learning the whole form, it's been doing it over and over again. The one consistent message which keeps coming through is this - my form lacks substance.

I've been trying to figure out what this "substance" is. I think it's the peng quality that should be present at all times, yet my teacher's peng is so hidden, I only realise it when i'm already off balance in push hands. It could be the whole body movement thing. Whatever it is, I was brought to a realisation of what "no substance" is instead of what "substance" is.

One of my push hands buddy gave me an empty push - he was pushing with his hands rather than any movement of the body. And it was done with such speed that it gave the impression of overpowering. It was then I understood what does "no substance" mean. Like a child waving a branch at a cat, the dead branch does not have any substance. If the child plans to whip the cat with the branch, the branch will then contain a kind of tension waiting to be released upon contact - and that's substance.

From that child and branch analogy, I guess what I should be looking for is to have that kind of tension stored in the body at all times. Wouldn't that be tiring? I'm not sure. But I already know what the second step is - to hide the tension, which I suppose, I need to relax the whole body, which in turn might be the first step towards having that kind of hidden tension my teacher has. It sounds like relaxing is the key so that you only release that kind of tension when you need it.

Relax to have tension. The statement is an irony in itself. Am just chasing my own tail?

Different kinds of teaching

I am slowly aware of how different kind of teaching suits different people, now that I'm experimenting with my own students. However, the method that my current teacher is using, may not suit most people. I guess the first thing that comes to mind is - is he even teaching anything?!!

I'm still doing Sun style. I don't think I'm trying to perfect it, but more of trying to feel the qualitative difference between whole body movement and "broken" movements. I am more or less been left alone trying to "feel" it. It's different from what previous teachers do. Some try to bombard you with the hoard of knowledge they have. Some doesn't know what they're talking about. Some will correct every little bits to the nth degree. And now, no correction at all.

I'm not saying which one is best. I think the best teaching is that which suits me at this time. Sometimes, I wish he corrects me more, but sometimes, I think this is actually the kind of teaching I need at this point, because I already know the correction, just need to internalise the message into my body. So less is definitely more now. I'm struggling to break the barrier of "feeling it". If you're at a lost of what i'm trying to say, don't worry, that makes 2 of us. I somehow feel that the breakthrough is just round the corner, and yet, it's proving to be as elusive as ever.

I think my teacher realises this, and he tries to tease out this feeling through push hands as well as the form. We'll see where will this take us.

A compassionate teacher always loses

Compassion has a bad name in the competitive world. It means losing. It means you're not up to standard. It means you're not promoted. It means you don't know how to play the game. But sometimes, in order to learn, a teacher has to show you what not to learn. And that is when he needs to "lose" to show you the way. Sadly, such teachings are only effective if the student is ready to learn. If the student is out to "win" the teacher, the loss is more than what the teacher is giving up, the loss is the lesson itself.

To put this into context, I first noticed this in a tai ji push hands class. The thing about push hands is that the more muscle you use, the harder you fall. Then I saw my teacher resisting the temptation to let that happen, but allow the student to continue to push him around, so that the student can learn and not just "push and be done".

I don't know about him, but I would think it must be boring for the teacher to continue to let the student push around and yet choose not to fight back. And yet, my current teacher is doing it over and over again. This is sometimes a more worthwhile lesson than push hands itself - compassion to teach.

My current teacher said that he has fused his life with Tai Ji's teachings. This is probably one of the fusions. If only more students realise what a gift the teacher has been presenting. Maybe you might notice this in one of your class one day. :)

My third teaching session - only one student!

My third teaching session - only one student. I must be really boring my students! When my teacher commented about a student who didn't turn up, he made a comment which I didn't fully appreciate at the time. He said:

"for students who can't turn up, they should actually tell me in advance out of courtesy..."

For my students who didn't turn up, I actually had to ask if they were coming, just to realise only one could make it that day.

I wonder if it's because the classes are free and hence less appreciated than paid-for classes. My initial thought was to make them pay at least a little bit so that they have a financial stake in the class. And I was planning to donate the proceeds away just as an added incentive for turning up for classes.

I voted against it to see if any students will turn up in the first place. Will see how this goes. But somehow, learning Tai Ji IS boring, until you get the "joy" of it. While performing just to show them the full form, someone commented on how I was "enjoying" it. He had a hard time describing what he saw.

I guess it's a compliment in a sense, although to the trained eye, I'm probably still quite some way off! The more important point is, how to make a Tai Chi class more interesting. Some people like being shown the applications, some like the fact that they're learning something, some like the social aspect of it, some treat it as a form of dance choreography - once you get the movements, you have learnt Tai Chi.

For starters, I guess I have to cater to all tastes, just to get them through the "door". If you have any other suggestions on how to make a class more interesting, please suggest away!

The lure of anticipation

It's quite common for me to anticipate the next move when doing Tai Chi, be it the form itself, or when doing push hands. Sometimes, you don't even anticipate the next move, you anticipate what's on TV tonight, and what's for dinner tonight, especially when doing Tai Ji!

Although it's not quite obvious why anticipating is bad for us, it's directly detrimental when doing push hands. You see, one of the big “no no” in push hands is to anticipate the next move, because once you anticipate, you’ll lose the moment and if the next action is not as anticipated, then you’ll be in a disadvantageous position. That’s why we are trained to “listen” to the opponent’s movement rather than anticipate.

With all the thinking going on in my head, no wonder my teacher says that those who think too much, can’t progress much in Tai Ji. We cannot be in that moment. We cannot be present to the moment. Always thinking about the next move, possibly thinking about what’s for dinner as well.

So, note to self (and to you fellow students as well), do not anticipate. Be as present as you can. No past, no future, just the present moment. You'll be surprised by the qualitative difference of this to your Tai Ji. There was once when I saw this Tai Ji practitioner doing the form, it was as though he was playing with the space around him. How's that for "in the moment"!

p/s: For a more general view of The Lure of Anticipation, you might want to read this article.

Learning less everyday

My Tai Ji teacher recently highlighted that (in general), people who needs to think a lot at work are normally those who progressed slowly in Tai Chi. I casually mentioned that I also fall into that category.... and then there was silence.... and then we laughed! :D

I think (yikes!) the "thinking" which is restricting growth is normally the conscious thinking that we do. Conscious learning cannot be applied at will. You can only hold so much thought at any one time. To react to an ever changing situation, conscious thinking is a poor processor. You need a processor which is much more intuitive and with potentially limitless capacity to adapt to our ever changing environment. I think we need to "push" conscious learning to the other-than-conscious mind. To learn less consciously and learn more intuitively.

I hope to use this philosophy - learning less everyday - when learning Tai Chi. Let's see where this will take us.

p/s: this reminds me very much of Yoda - unlearn what you have learnt. :)

A student becomes a teacher

After becoming a student for years, a few friends asked me to teach Tai Ji. I rejected profusely, citing some lame excuses e.g. not ready, not good enough, do not want to mislead etc. Of course, being friends, they have the normal comeback for each of my excuses. I think the fact that I'm not charging for the class gives a strong incentive for them to try out Tai Chi for the first time!

I did think about why I didn't want to teach in the first place. Those reasons cited were actually true. And yet, something is nagging at the back of my mind about each of these reasons.

1. I don't feel I'm ready to teach.

Then it hit me that I will never be ready. Or to phrase it differently, I can never be ready as I am ready now. There will always be excuses down the line that will make me feel that I'm not ready - the timing is not right, I don't have time, I'm tired etc. It sounds very much like the top 10 excuses for not training!

2. I don't feel I'm good enough.

Also, I will never be good enough. There will always be someone better than me, but the question is, am I good enough for them?

3. I didn't want to mislead them

I didn't want to mislead them, the way I saw some of the teachers misled me! But without those misleading twists in my Tai Ji path, I wouldn't have been able to distinguish the good from the bad. So in a way, meeting these teachers did help. Somehow, the dots are joining.

So...

The student hence became a teacher, to all 3 students in the first lesson. :D They did try to rope in some other friends, but no one were as keen as them, yet. Maybe after the first class, more will turn up, and better still, none will turn up! Will see how this goes. Watch this space!