What does relax mean in tai chi?

I didn't think relaxing can be confusing. We know how it feels, and yet, different people can interpret it differently. I was chatting away with a another tai ji student and I told him about how difficult it was to relax into the form. I told him to actually use Tai Chi as a martial art, you'll have to be able to achieve the relaxed state of mind in the heat of the battle! He said how difficult can relaxing be? And he showed me a limped hand gesture...

I think we all know what does relaxing feel like. It's a state of mind which is free from worry, free from stress. But when translated to the body, somehow asking the hand to relax is another ball game altogether. We know a tense shoulder is not relaxed, that's where the massuer comes in. So what does relax actually mean in the context of tai chi?

Being relaxed is a conscious effort. It requires your attention and will power to actually want to relax. Relaxing without being mindful about it is not relaxing, it's being lazy. A limped hand is not relaxed. However, if you have the intention to "limp" it, that is relaxed. The qualitative difference is quite startling. It is the difference between doing Tai Ji and being a zombie. Afterall, anything worth your attention would definitely merit your intention as well!*

So the next time you are trying to relax into your form, don't forget to be mindful about it. Of course, to concentrate to relax is actually counter-productive to achieving the state of relaxation! Just be aware of the need to relax. Coax the body into the state of relaxation. But let the body do the rest. You can't force it, but you can definitely tempt it and hopefully, it'll sway in your favour. As Oscar Wilde put it, "I can resist anything but temptation". The body would probably do the same. :)

* This was actually paraphrased from David Allen's Getting Things Done, thanks to the recommendation from wujimon. I think there will be more about this in time to come.