Push hands vs free sparring?

My regular push hand class has pushed me further and further away - the "things I thought I knew" column is migrating to the "things I don't know" column. So i'm losing my balance more often, and losing concentration more often as well, while I ride the transitional learning curve.

One of the bad habits to prevent myself from falling is to grab hold of the opponent, assuming the "attack" has stopped. This method only works if your opponent has the same assumption! I found out through an eye-opening experience - I had a very aggressive opponent, who only wants to win rather than learn through push hands. So while I was falling away, I grabbed his hand which almost had my wrist twisted as he attacked further. I was glad I let go quick enough.
So after that, I curled my fingers up to prevent myself from grabbing again, sort of a loose clench. The opponent continued with his aggressiveness, and plenty of times, his hand was just too far into my domain that I could just break his arm! And I told him that, in which he replied with both his hands attacking the one-handed push hand. I stopped after a couple of rounds.

Moving on to a different opponent, he told me to relax the hand further, just have the intention is sufficient. After the "combat", this experience was more helpful to actually learn the "listening" skills required before I can even diffuse the attack.

I don't know about push hands in other places, but the spirit of push hands seem to have been lost in the midst to win the combat. It's becoming more like free sparring. I think if it's free sparring, it's free sparring. If it's push hands, it's push hands. I think doing free sparring when it's a push hands exercise can be dangerous. If I want to fight, I wouldn't be circling my hands round and round.

My teacher gave a more balanced view. He said we should still push with all opponents. Just remember to learn to deflect/diffuse the oncoming force without using force. Don't play the "i'm stronger than you" game. That way, I'll be learning while the opponent will be a good training partner (although he might not learn anything!).

So let the training begin...